Day 10 Final Day of My Autumn Cleanse!

October 9 Day 9 Master Cleanser:
7:15 AM Enema
9:15 AM 1 Quart Master Cleanser with: 1 quart warmed water, 5 tablespoons fresh lemon juice, pulp (and seeds), 4 tablespoons Grade B maple syrup and 1/8 teaspoon cayenne spicy
11:15 AM Core Strengthening Exercises
1:30 PM 1 Quart Master Cleanser
7:30 PM 1 Quart Master Cleanser
Total: 3 Quarts

October 10 Day 10 Master Cleanser:
9:55 AM 1 Quart Master Cleanser
1:30 PM 1 Quart Master Cleanser
7:00 PM 1 Quart Master Cleanser
Total: 3 Quarts

I cannot believe it's almost over, and that tomorrow morning, I'll be starting my day with 8 ounces of soaked organic prunes and no Master Cleanser. Moving right into my life, I'll be having a lunchtime counseling session as well, though I will be somewhere that I can eat raw and light. Still, it feels strange to think about.
Though I feel complete and in gratitude that I cleansed according to my vision and commitment, I also feel a little sad to let it go. If I weren't moving into some venues where I would be sharing meals with other people, I would keep it going for a few more days. My body feels like it is in its truth, so to speak. I am releasing old beliefs and ways of coping every day, and meeting myself in all aspects of my life without food as an avoidance masked as pleasure.
How often do we just eat for the pure joy of eating? When I cleanse, I see an even deeper layer than I was aware. As much as I counsel others in Ecstatic Eating! and what it means to purely nourish ourselves and have a passionate relationship with our food, our bodies and our health, I understand how even I can deceive myself sometimes around food. I would say that I quite often do know the distinction between eating for the unadulterated sake of eating and eating to momentarily fill, avoid, numb or push away life. But even I witnessed a number of times during the past ten days, where if I had been eating solid food, I would have reached for it in relation to my experience of my life at just that moment. It's subtle sometimes, as those moments can also correlate with true hunger or mealtime; but it's that moment when food becomes a reaction rather than an action.
In the wild, animals don't look at the clock or even the sun to gage their hunger; they feel it instinctively. Because their emotional senses are not nearly as developed as ours (though their spiritual senses are, if you've ever had a cat), the stuff of life does not cloud their instinct. Even if a lion cub gets killed by another lion, its parent does not track down food to quell the sadness. It is only the human species who acts out their life experiences with food.
Today was a particularly difficult day for me emotionally. I had a major disappointment and an expectation of something in my life that didn't come to pass. I even had what I would call a meltdown in terms of the depth of emotion, pain and frustration I felt about this. At that moment, I felt physically wiped and exhausted, with no desire to uphold all the fabulous commitments in my life. Luckily, my commitment to myself and self-love rose above this painful period of time, and I put one foot in front of the other, walking through my day where I needed to be, until the feelings passed. There is no doubt that had I been eating solid food, I would have reached for something healthy, raw and fabulous a few times during those hours; I would have used food to soothe my mood.
Cleansing not only cleans out the waste and toxins; it is also a time for us to retrain our somatic, body response in not acting out with food in reaction to the intensity of emotion; that if we remove the food at that moment, the intensity will still pass, not by numbing out, but by allowing.  Even more, the emotion will not be digested along with the food. Throughout my years of counseling, I have encountered a number of clients who, even after shifting into very aligned eating for weight loss, were not losing. Once we cleared out the old emotional waste, then the weight could come off. We digest our food with our lives, and cleansing is an opportunity to heal that response mechanism and return to our highest relationship with food; the one with which we were born and were meant to have.
I will take this gift with me tomorrow as I move into Ecstatic Eating!
I want to also thank my Facebook Ecstatic Eating! community for supporting me and one another in this adventure called a cleanse. As I finish mine, others are now inspired to start theirs. Thank you.

Cleansing is Moment by Moment

Day 4 Autumn Cleanse:
Yesterday October 4:
8:00 AM 1 Quart Master Cleanser: 1 quart warmed water with 6 tablespoons fresh lemon juice, pulp (and seeds), 5 tablespoons grade B maple syrup and 1/8 teaspoon cayenne powder (I like it spicy)
2:00 PM 1 Quart Master Cleanser
6:00 PM 1 Quart Master Cleanser
7:15 PM 1 Quart Master Cleanser
Total: 1 Gallon

Day 5:
Today October 5:
9:45 AM Enema - switched to this today to take a break from salt water flushing and reach into the colon and intestine to remove old waste. This is what my body guided me to do, as the salt felt a little too retaining and approaching flush from the other end, so to speak, felt right for today.
~ time of first quart of master Cleaner will be at 11:00 AM

Debbie Ford, Author of, "The Shadow Effect," speaks about meeting all parts of ourselves; our light and our shadow, and that it is by doing so that we can truly transform places of suffering into well being. I believe that if we just stay with ourselves long enough to embrace our shadows and not fill the difficult moments with food (or anything else), we create an opportunity for unlimited possibilities in our lives. 
Cleansing brings out our shadows; the dark, "icky" parts we'd rather avoid, deny or shove under the pillow. Yesterday brought up some of those for me. During the more difficult parts of my day, I found myself seeing my life as a whole of shame and lack; I was feeling very less than and very sorry for myself. It was at that moment that I walked by one of my favorite secret pleasures; Fat Cat Pie Co., an organic pizza bistro in Norwalk, Connecticut that offers farm-to-table toppings on their pizza. I love Fat Cat; eating my kale and quinoa salad with Reggiano parmesan, followed by an organic crust pizza with broccoli rabe, eggplant, carmelized mushrooms, sauteed onions, garlic chips and kalamata olives is a sacred ritual for me; every mouthful a surge of ecstasy. It is my non-guilty pleasure, as I don't associate guilt with the art of eating. But yesterday, as I was in my shadow side walking by Fat Cat, the irony of emotional eating revealed itself. At that moment, had I stealthfully gone inside and indulged, it would not have been to asuage any physical hunger, as there was none. It would have been to soothe the wicked beast inside of me; to slay my internal dragon.  
I remember my early life; adolescent and teenage years, when I numbed out with food because my emotional dragons were too scary, but had to take myself wherever I went anyway; thinner or heavier. There was no ecstatic eating while battling my demons with food as my weapon. Eventually, my body caught up with my spirit, and in my twenties, my weight reached two hundred and twenty pounds.
What did I do yesterday when these feelings "hit?" I texted two friends and released them through writing. The act of letting them out and moving them through, without anyone needing to solve it or fix it for me; merely "hear" me, started to diminish them. I also identified what was happening, and knew that  even though it felt large, it was merely one moment in my extraordinary life. If I had eaten over it, it would have become me, merging through the act of digestion into my cells and cellular memory.
Today, my relationship with food is sacred loving and fun, and there is no guilt, pain or suffering associated with it. I counsel clients in Ecstatic Eating!, which is available to each of us, no matter what our journey or our past. Food is our intimate partner, with whom we get to dance the longest, slowest dance of all; never to be rushed, abused or neglected.
After the most difficult part of my day came the most beautiful moments. I had a counseling session and the energy in the office was so pure and high. When I left, the old loathing feelings had completely vanished, replaced with immense gratitude for every part of my life, accompanied by a surge of joy. Leaving the office, I texted these same two friends the deep feelings of gratitude I was having for my life at that moment. It is important to voice the shift into light as well once we have let go of the shadow; what we language becomes us.
My life had not changed, yet I had shifted, merely by allowing each moment to exist and by being present to each moment. I am grateful for the opportunity this cleanse gives me; not to do, but just to be.