Cleansing is Moment by Moment

Day 4 Autumn Cleanse:
Yesterday October 4:
8:00 AM 1 Quart Master Cleanser: 1 quart warmed water with 6 tablespoons fresh lemon juice, pulp (and seeds), 5 tablespoons grade B maple syrup and 1/8 teaspoon cayenne powder (I like it spicy)
2:00 PM 1 Quart Master Cleanser
6:00 PM 1 Quart Master Cleanser
7:15 PM 1 Quart Master Cleanser
Total: 1 Gallon

Day 5:
Today October 5:
9:45 AM Enema - switched to this today to take a break from salt water flushing and reach into the colon and intestine to remove old waste. This is what my body guided me to do, as the salt felt a little too retaining and approaching flush from the other end, so to speak, felt right for today.
~ time of first quart of master Cleaner will be at 11:00 AM

Debbie Ford, Author of, "The Shadow Effect," speaks about meeting all parts of ourselves; our light and our shadow, and that it is by doing so that we can truly transform places of suffering into well being. I believe that if we just stay with ourselves long enough to embrace our shadows and not fill the difficult moments with food (or anything else), we create an opportunity for unlimited possibilities in our lives. 
Cleansing brings out our shadows; the dark, "icky" parts we'd rather avoid, deny or shove under the pillow. Yesterday brought up some of those for me. During the more difficult parts of my day, I found myself seeing my life as a whole of shame and lack; I was feeling very less than and very sorry for myself. It was at that moment that I walked by one of my favorite secret pleasures; Fat Cat Pie Co., an organic pizza bistro in Norwalk, Connecticut that offers farm-to-table toppings on their pizza. I love Fat Cat; eating my kale and quinoa salad with Reggiano parmesan, followed by an organic crust pizza with broccoli rabe, eggplant, carmelized mushrooms, sauteed onions, garlic chips and kalamata olives is a sacred ritual for me; every mouthful a surge of ecstasy. It is my non-guilty pleasure, as I don't associate guilt with the art of eating. But yesterday, as I was in my shadow side walking by Fat Cat, the irony of emotional eating revealed itself. At that moment, had I stealthfully gone inside and indulged, it would not have been to asuage any physical hunger, as there was none. It would have been to soothe the wicked beast inside of me; to slay my internal dragon.  
I remember my early life; adolescent and teenage years, when I numbed out with food because my emotional dragons were too scary, but had to take myself wherever I went anyway; thinner or heavier. There was no ecstatic eating while battling my demons with food as my weapon. Eventually, my body caught up with my spirit, and in my twenties, my weight reached two hundred and twenty pounds.
What did I do yesterday when these feelings "hit?" I texted two friends and released them through writing. The act of letting them out and moving them through, without anyone needing to solve it or fix it for me; merely "hear" me, started to diminish them. I also identified what was happening, and knew that  even though it felt large, it was merely one moment in my extraordinary life. If I had eaten over it, it would have become me, merging through the act of digestion into my cells and cellular memory.
Today, my relationship with food is sacred loving and fun, and there is no guilt, pain or suffering associated with it. I counsel clients in Ecstatic Eating!, which is available to each of us, no matter what our journey or our past. Food is our intimate partner, with whom we get to dance the longest, slowest dance of all; never to be rushed, abused or neglected.
After the most difficult part of my day came the most beautiful moments. I had a counseling session and the energy in the office was so pure and high. When I left, the old loathing feelings had completely vanished, replaced with immense gratitude for every part of my life, accompanied by a surge of joy. Leaving the office, I texted these same two friends the deep feelings of gratitude I was having for my life at that moment. It is important to voice the shift into light as well once we have let go of the shadow; what we language becomes us.
My life had not changed, yet I had shifted, merely by allowing each moment to exist and by being present to each moment. I am grateful for the opportunity this cleanse gives me; not to do, but just to be.